I was talking with my husband the other day about my personal thoughts and questions about the Bible, God, and the faith kinds of things I wrestle with. Because I think while people don’t always like to admit, it’s normal to have questions. The more you learn about something, the more in depth your questions become. You learn to ask the right questions; the sometimes difficult to answer questions.
I’m no different. I always raise a question. Because I want to really understand why something is the way it is. I want everything to make sense and for every detail to be perfectly wrapped up, sitting in it’s perfect space inside this faith box.
I remember taking math classes in high school, geometry in particular with all the theories, except the theories didn’t make any sense to me. I often worked my problems backwards because I could usually figure out the answer, just not quite how to get there from the beginning.
I tend to do my problem solving backwards. Because if I can vision the end result, then one by one, I can reason each step prior to the next. I can figure out the best and most efficient steps that bring the result in the best and quickest way.
But life doesn’t work like that. I can’t see the end results and the results that I envision are not always guaranteed. There really isn’t much in life that is certain.
I don’t know for certain that my husband and I will be able to have more children, especially after experiencing multiple losses recently. I don’t know for certain if my blog will ever reach and encourage millions of women despite my prayers and the long hours I put in, in addition to working my “real” job on the weekends and taking care of my children during the week. I don’t know how I will handle or if I will be able to handle all of life’s demands that are going to show up later this year when I also begin homeschooling our daughter when it really starts to count.
And that’s just the beginning – the surface level type of stuff.
There are spiritual things that I am not certain of. I wrestle with God’s Word. Of course, I pray first asking for wisdom and understanding of my reading each day. And then I still sometimes finish reading my Bible and ask my husband questions about things I don’t understand. Or I take to the internet and learn from people who have gone to seminary and have a better understanding and knowledge of the context.
I struggle with the fact that I’ve had a specific situation I have been praying about for three years now, THREE YEARS, and the answer is still either “no” or “not yet.” I have specific people for which I’ve been praying for a really long time. Jesus tells us in Luke 11:5-10 to ask, seek, and knock. I have done this. I have been POUNDING on that door. I have begged, pleaded, and cried out. But I haven’t seen the results I’ve been praying for.
So now what do I do with all these things I don’t understand or don’t have clear answers to?
I choose faith.
Faith is trusting in what we cannot see. Faith is trusting that even though I don’t understand all the details and even though I may never have all the answers, I choose to completely trust God.
I know that people question Christianity, Jesus, and God, and when they don’t get all their questions answered, they are left unsatisfied and they continue walking their own path.
But there is an element of faith involved. Not the noun, but the verb. It is the part that takes courage. Believing and trusting that God is Who He says He is, even without seeing or fully comprehending all the details.
I believe that if you ask God to reveal Himself to you, He will. But it is up to you to choose faith. You have to choose to believe in something you cannot see and do not fully understand.
There are both biblical details and in-our-world-today heartbreaking situations that I don’t always understand. But I know that God is mighty, omnipotent, merciful, forgiving, loving, triumphant, and sovereign over all.
So I choose faith. Simple, childlike faith. I choose to trust my Father.